Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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