Someone shit on the floor
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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