New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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