Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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