I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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