giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize