I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize