Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
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I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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