Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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