Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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