I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize