I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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