he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
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it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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