i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize