my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize