hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
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i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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