I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize