Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
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so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
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I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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