You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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