Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize