The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, beer. Big fan.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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