There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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