Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
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Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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