mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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