My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
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Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
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drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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