I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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