Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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