i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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