and she was petting her beer can
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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