you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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