yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
and she was petting her beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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