Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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