I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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