please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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