I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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