My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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