Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
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I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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