i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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