hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize