if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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