I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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