God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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