I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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