Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
someone owes me an orgasm
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize