just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
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FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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