Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
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Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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