no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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