What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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