apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
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So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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