I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize